I also get like this when overwhelmed about something (non-sensory related), or very tired, or if some event triggers a strong emotion but I can't quite understand what that emotion is and why I am feeling it (a trait of alexithymia, which I do have).Car accidents can be one of the most traumatic experiences a person can go through, and the repercussions can last for life. So getting that flat affect is actually a good indicator for those close to me that I'm having trouble with something, and that they need to either give me space, or help me out in the ways that I need. If I don't get away from what is making me feel overstimulated, just one little thing can make me go from blank, spacey and distant to explosive, saying things impulsively out of anger and severe anxiety in 0.5 seconds. My voice also sounds really flat-toned, and I have more trouble controlling the volume of it. If I do register what is being said to me, I have a hard time speaking, as if I'm trying hard to find the words to string together to form a sentence, even the most simple words for simple sentences. When I'm going through sensory overload, I usually have a blank, or sometimes slightly confused expression on my face and I can barely register what I look at, or what anyone says to me. My therapist is about to move away, and he's the only one who would know the difference anyway. I'm going to fake it as best I can where necessary, and try to find a way to survive as a hermit in my head. I've tried all my life to find a way to genuinely express emotions in a way that helps me feel connected to others, and it doesn't work. I told my therapist yesterday that I'm giving up on even trying anymore.
Since it's the natural expression of emotions that bonds human beings, I'm forever locked behind a mask of nothingness. Everything else requires some translation of inner experience to outward expression, and yes, it's exhausting. It might be kinda linked to how I feel, but it's still a performance to try to get that kind of information to show up on my face.īasically I've come to the conclusion that I don't have any native means of expressing my emotions, other than anxiety or surprise/shock. I fake facial expressions for work or when talking to people who I need to keep happy and can't trust to accept me for who I am.
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